Early morning Travellers,
I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before, but it drives me nuts when people say, “If I knew then, what I know now…I could go back and make a better choice.” I feel like that statement really belies the essence of how we make our decisions. We do the best we can do with where we are and what we know.
Also, I think we make our choices from a place I like to call our “you-ness” that is who we are inside our soul/energy/whatever part of Freud’s model of the psyche that you feel works to describe that part of you. And that you-ness is also shaped by all the experiences we’ve had in our life, how we let those mold us and our actions.
If you went back in time, you’d still be you and I’m pretty sure that your “you-ness” would still possibly derail all the knowledge in the world that you could transport back with you. It’s regret that’s kicking our asses, not the lack of time travel, right?
I mention this because I believe all our actions are connected. Each choice ripples out thru our lives, into other people’s lives and I don’t think you can just pull one string without unraveling the entire loom. Some call it the Butterfly affect, I just call it the connectivity of everything. Every ending in our life, divorce, death, loss of any kind or general suckage that arrived via a choice we made, is still connected to so many other things that regret feels unfortunate. Wanting to undo the past because of current pain seems unfortunate. And it undermines our ability to be present and all the possibilities to grow. There is always good that is part of the bad, that thing I said about life and death traveling together, well duality is the nature of our lives. Look around…
Some of the best things that happened as a result of my marriage, regardless of how it ended or how much my soul feels crushed are as follows: my fur kids, I have no way of knowing if I would have found any of them on a different path, so this choice saved 5 lives, because when you adopt, you save their lives. And they are saving mine right now some days. My in-laws, who are no longer my in-laws, but we haven’t come up with a better same for them, their my second set of parents and I would not have that relationship had I not gotten married. My job which enabled me to see my biological mother for who she is and I was then able to walk away from that relationship, which I realize to outsiders that seems wrong and ungrateful, but not all parent child relationships are good, and I don’t believe in being obligated to a person who harms you. My diet. I sorted out how to eat well as I was attempting to help my ex tweak his diet due to health issues. I’m not sure that I would have gone down the organic rabbit hole if it wasn’t for him. My home. No matter the issues, this place is my home. For a person who never had a place called home, that’s worth a lot right now. I like to think of it as my little cocoon right now where I will grow into the next stage off my life.
That’s the goodness that just comes quickly to mind. I’m sure there’s more if I had all day to think on it. I also realize that other people’s divorces or other devastating events may not lend themselves as easily to this exercise, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth a shot. Acceptance of myself is one of my greatest struggles and I’m sure I’m not alone in that. If I’ve learned anything so far it’s that the relationship we have with ourselves seems to heavily determine the kind fo relationship we have with this life and each other. I think that might be why we are each here on earth, but that’s pretty heavy for early morning brain traffic isn’t it?
There is a movie for this little post, because it’s too perfect. Back to the Future is a great movie that focuses on a lot of what I’ve just said, how our choices ripple out. It’s also just a really well done entertaining movie, which don’t seem to come around as often anymore.