Happy 4th of July Travellers,

It’s raining here this morning…no 5am walk..

This is my first big holiday on my own, as a single woman, once again. Yesterday at work, I was feeling sad for not having any family where I live, since this seems to be a family holiday. However last night, as the fireworks were going off and Lou was shaking like a leaf, cowering on the couch next to me, I realized how not alone I am…two dogs and two cats are more than company, they are family  and I was having multiple conversations via text so I’m not alone. It’s just geography.

I’m in that weird space right now where I’m not feeling like socializing is the answer, I’m in more of the licking my wounds and healing up phase. I’m still checking the internal compass and maps to figure out where I’m going …It’s only been 3 weeks since I left that courtroom a single girl and 2 1/2 months since he left. I’m not sure how long these things take, but I think I’m doing okay so far. I feel like I’m swimming out into an open sea versus treading water. And I know this is a solo expedition but it still makes me scared and sad sometimes, which brings me to this holiday…

First, stop reading , and listen to THIS…. I’m serious, stop and listen to the words, it’s a holiday, take a moment… This is actually my favorite song of theirs and I feel like it is  everything about us, Americans.

America is a young nation in this world. Still learning. Do you ever think about all the struggle that was required to create this country? Sailing from England to a foreign land was more than likely not a picnic. And it wasn’t a vacay, it was under duress. Going somewhere that you’ve never seen in the belief that it will be a better life. And there were no cell phones, hell no electricity, had to a build a fire to stay warm. They had to build all the buildings, houses, fences and everything. People built this country from NOTHING.

Then there are the hideously ugly parts of slaughtering Native Americans and fighting amongst ourselves as we moved West. Fighting over Gold, land, slaves, and a war between the North and the South, where we killed each other. Our constitution that hoped to give law and order to a lawless place. Do you ever think about what it was REALLY like, because none of us REALLY know do we? Those people though are the foundation upon which we walk now. Theirs lives, their deeds, their deaths. All the right decisions and terribly horribly wrong ones.

I always feel that today is a day we should all give a thought to those people for making this ragged nation AND to men and women who fight and die for us to remain here today. No matter if you agree with the wars or the politics, it does not change the fact that out there in the world, as I type, there may be a soldier who’s life ends in service to us. No matter if you agree, you owe them your life. A depth of bravery many of us will never know. To go to a foreign land, far from home, no family in sight and fight, possibly die. For the idea of America, for people whom you have never met. That’s hard to imagine if you haven’t done it yourself isn’t it? And to be clear, I’m not saying this in service to the glory of our nation, I’m just saying soldiers give their lives for us and we should have reverence for that.

I think about my great uncle who was in Pearl Harbor when it was bombed. He survived and all of his friends died. He simply lost hearing in the ear that was facing the Arizona. I was told once he never had kids because of that day because he didn’t want to bring a child into a world where things like that happen. When the movie, Pearl Harbor was released, I remember watching it, it was a revelation in cinematography. Without thinking I cried during the bombing because this was real. He was there and no movie can capture that fully. All the bodies, all the death and America going to war.

I’m not sure where humans chose violence as the instrument of our advancement, but we have and I’m pretty sure the way back is covered in so much rubble, we couldn’t find the road if we tried. I’m not sure why harming each other remains the locomotion of our species. And it’s not just us, here and now, it is the way the world was built. It is how empires and nations have risen and fallen. It will continue of that I’m sure. As sure as the sun will rise, we are creatures of strife. Right or wrong, it seems to be in our DNA.

I’m not a fireworks person because of the aforementioned terrified lady dog. But all my neighbors are and tonight it will sound like a war zone in my home. Reminds me of watching Peter Arnett in Baghdad on CNN as it was bombed. Mine will be a very sparkley war zone.

I remember being young though, with family on this holiday. I remember going with my uncle to buy fireworks and homemade vanilla ice cream. My grandparents were there, and my mom, and I never knew in those childhood moments how lucky I was to be born here, in America.

Stay safe you pyros!!!


Lou and Charlie on a more peaceful day…hang on Lou, it’ll be over soon!!




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