A missing memory

It’s Sunday Travellers,

Do you ever wake up to a rainy wet morning and think, I just wanna languish here in this place where it’s quiet and comfortable, half awake and my sheets smell like fresh laundry and I have nowhere to be today, and for one moment doing nothing for a whole day seems delicious? I woke up at 7am and that’s where I was, but alas, it didn’t stick and off I went to do all the things.

Good news is the unexpected rain has removed some of my tasks, like walking the ladies this morning and mowing the lawn, and the garden is watered so, that’s super nice…I appreciate that…

Remember I said that the combination of writing and therapy has jarred loose all kinds of memories that I had filed away. Many of them very good memories actually and I feel like most of these were tucked away for now. An odd thing to say I realize but it feels true nonetheless. Sometimes I think our lives are like puzzles and we lose or find pieces of ourselves along the way in equal measure, and at the rightest moment, a piece appears and we slide it into place. That’s how these memories feel  to me…

On Sundays I like to talk about the healthy stuff. I could actually write about that everyday, but I like to be spontaneous here and just feel free to speak what’s in my head. There is a freedom in that unlike anything else. I’m beginning to think it’s a shame we don’t all blog as well as engage in daily movement, eat well, sleep well, hydrate well and go to therapy. Because it’s all the same goal in the end, learning to embrace and maybe even love your life. Value your life. I really think all of our stories are worth hearing, don’t you? I think we learn about ourselves by listening to others.

Here’s the memory, 8 year old unintentional sage advice, because kids do that a lot, don’t they?

When I was 8, my parents had gotten divorced and I was at a new school. I was in third grade. My teacher was Mrs. Wooten, she was lovely and my best friend was from India. Her parents had moved to the states when she was just a little smidgen. I remember she had the prettiest blue black hair that she wore in braids and she was smart, shy and very nice. Her parents were awesome. I remember her Dad seated in meditation once when I was visiting her house. Absolutely fascinated me. Her mom wore a saree and a Bindi on her forehead. Their house smelled like so many smells that were both unfamiliar to me and wonderful. All the spices created the sense of another world that I had never known.

What I didn’t know at 8 was that Indians were Hindu, and didn’t believe in eating animals. I’m not sure if my 8 year old brain could have processed all the intricacies of Hinduism even if I had tried super hard. One day we were eating lunch, and my friend ate the same lunch EVERY DAY. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. EVERY DAY. No variations, no substitutions. And I had to ask, so I did, “Don’t you miss eating other things, like hamburgers or hot dogs? Don’t you want to eat something different?” (Not sure if that’s EXACTLY the words I used, but the general gist is what I’m driving at…) She replied, and of these words I am certain, “ I’ve never had any of that, and you can’t miss what you’ve never had.”

You can’t miss what you’ve never had…Huh….MIC DROP.

As I approach the reality of teaching again or training people, I know I want to do this a different way than before, I want to really help people permanently change their lives. None of this 30, 60, 90 day or 10, 15, 20 pound weight loss bullshit. Because like I said before, anything temporary will only create a temporary change. The body does not lie down after losing 20 pounds and say, “All right, all right, I’ll just stay like this forever, you won.” So the question is how do I make you really learn to value your life, because at the end of the day, we tend to be more successful at nurturing what we value in this world, don’t we?

I think about what she said, and if you’ve never been someone like me, you may not know what it feels like to wake up feeling good, feeling strong. You may not know what it is to be present in movement and feel what a human body can really do.  You may not know how good healthy food can taste because you’ve only know craptastic food, funtstically flavored food, the sugar rush and the caffeine high. You may not know how good it feels to sweat so much that it begins to feel like you just rebirthed yourself into this world via that puddle on the floor. And how amazing and awesome that can be. You may always give up after a month or 10 pounds, and say, I’m done now. You’ve never been where my tribe lives, so how can you miss it or really want to go there? Better yet, how do I make you want what you’ve never had? How do I explain a place and a feeling that you’ve never travelled to in a way that you will get on this journey? How am I going to convince you that you are worth this, beyond the horizon, and then some? Can I show you my life and actions, and that be enough? Because that didn’t work before…because it’s not your life, it’s mine. And we don’t miss other people’s lives do we?

I’m beginning to believe that this idea is the way to succeed. And by succeed, I don’t mean riches and fame, I mean actually really helping people carve out healthier present lives. Working against the grain of the bullshit you see about diets and weight loss in the media and on commercials. I mean real non-fancy pant wearing change that in the end will leave you more grounded in you. I gotta figure out how I’m going to do that, because I think my 8 year old friend was onto something…



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