Heal us

Happy hump day Travellers,

I’m back at work for half days, which is weirder than I could ever have imagined. I’m alone there, in my office, my other colleagues are not working alongside me as usual. It’s like being a ghost of my former life.

As hard as it’s been to adjust to the safe at home agenda, I don’t think we’ve thought about what it’s going to take to recalibrate ourselves back to our regularly scheduled program. It almost feels like going back to school after summer as a kid, except it’s not…because most of us aren’t kids anymore.

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Let’s be rational…

Good afternoon Travellers,

Lately, I’m feeling like we are all kids in a car with our parents and we’re on our way to Florida. From Kansas. It’s a long drive, trust me. Dad keeps telling us we’re gonna be there in just a few hours when actually it’s more like days…because he doesn’t want to tell us how long it’s really going to be AND he can’t tell us, “If you don’t stop asking, I’m going to turn this car around…” because we can’t turn back to the world that doesn’t have this virus, can we?

Each day I awake as many do and think, what day is this? I can’t decide if it’s so very freeing or I feel like the Mad Hatter…this early afternoon, the sun is here, The wind is blowing, all the doors and windows are open and I’ve got Louis & Ella playing in the background as I write to you, my fellow humans who are also on this same strange journey…And it’s just as the song says, a lovely day…

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Into the darkness we go…

It’s a dark stormy Wednesday in Kansas Travellers,

Between 5:30 and 5:45am we set off into the early murky morning. On my block the only street light is between my neighbors driveway and mine. After that the only lights are on the houses until the very end of the street where there is another lamppost. Kansas isn’t big on illuminating their neighborhoods for some reason, no matter where you go.

It’s funny how the darkness sort of tucks houses away who don’t have porch lights. They sort of vanish until you look very hard and see the outline of their structure. And let me tell you, the world is largely asleep at this hour. I think we are rare Travellers at this time which has a sort of flavor to it that I very much enjoy. It feels like we are brave explorers out in the world that few fail to realize is quite astonishing at this time of day.
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Swim

It’s abit later than I like to arrive here Travellers,

I’m not making the 5am rise with any kind of grace yet. I say yet, because I keep setting the alarm for 5:07am, but I find I don’t really wake up until after 5:30am. I’m reminded how discouraging it is for us all to change which is why we don’t, isn’t it? Why is so fucking hard to change these behaviors? Or maybe it’s just me…that’s where my head has been the last two days, it’s me…

I’ve been trying to sort out an analogy of how I feel inside lately. At my last therapy appointment, we were  peripherally discussing socializing and I told I’m not fully baked for that yet. I’m not ready. I don’t want anyone in that space because I just can’t while I’m like this..this as in trying to grow by myself.

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